This is the first blog post I've written in nearly a year. There are many reasons I've slacked in writing, but the biggest and catalyst for the others is the move from Germany back to North Carolina. That move took so much out of me emotionally, but even more than that required much faith and reliance on God. I tend to retreat from the world when faced with situations that require more reliance on God. I don't know why I do, I just do. I've learned over the years that if I am going to make it through without hurting others in the process I have to go away and simply be alone with God. It matters not that others don't understand it. I'd rather be accused of being a recluse than constantly having to repent for being short, irritable, or even worse hurting other people because I am hurting.
I've attempted many times I start new blog posts. Every time I tried to share what was in my heart, but found myself struggling to finish because I couldn't find the right scriptures to line up with what I knew God was saying for me to share. The words were there but they were just words, no soul, spirit, or even feeling behind them. I'm very serious about my writing. I have absolutely no desire to be just another Christian writer putting empty words out there and calling it ministry, so instead of publishing a post that I would later have to recant, I simply posted nothing. I received numerous questions about the blog and when I would resume writing and each time I replied the same...soon. Well days turned into weeks and weeks to months and here I am totally naked and unashamed!
What's in my spirit to share? Ladies, be yourself! Plain and simple. There is someone so remarkable and unique on the inside of you that has the power and potential to shake this entire planet for the Kingdom of God! You do not need to be eloquent of speech, look and dress like a beauty queen, be able to quote the bible backwards and forwards, or even have a large platform to speak from. You simply have to open your mind and spirit to the voice of the Lord and follow the instructions He gives you. Each of us has been crafted for a different mission in the Body of Christ. I may only touch the life of one woman in my life time, but who knows how many she will touch? The ripple effect goes much further than you or I will ever know.
I know it can be difficult to believe that you can literally change the world just by being who you are in the presence of one individual, but its true. I've seen it in my own life. One woman just watched me for a year. Didn't talk to me at all, just watched. One day she asked me a simple question and that opened the door for me to share Jesus as I know Him; my friend, my provider, my healer, my confidante, my defender, my protector, my everything. I didn't preach to her or drag her to church. I didn't start reading the bible with her, I just talked to her about God and HE did everything else! So often we feel like we have to DO something in order to be effective for the Kingdom. The only thing you have to do is be YOU! The you He has created you to be! Yes we have to yield those dark, ugly, painful areas of ourselves to Him and allow Him to repair them, but that is more of a yielding, listening, and compliance process rather than actually doing something. This life is not about who can do the most, or who can quote the most scriptures. Its about how we live yielding to Him, separated from the world without excluding those in it. If we really want to make our mark; if we really want to please Jesus while we are here, we must live as He has called us to live, plain and simple. I must be the ME He had in mind when He created me. I must not focus on what is wrong, but all that I am that is right (all of those things being what He placed in me in the beginning).
So my time away from you has led me to this place:
I only desire to be ME. The definition of me changes with every word the Lord speaks concerning me, but I have to be true to me at all times no matter what HE asks me to look, sound, and act like. I have no bible quotes for this post, because as I mentioned earlier, they were just typed words (obviously I know the Word is alive and well, Jesus is the Word). But I feel like I have often used bible scriptures as fig leaves sewn together for me to hide behind. Like if I quote enough scriptures maybe no one will realize what is really going on. So in the interest of keeping it 100% (to use a little slang I've picked up recently), I'll tell you exactly what is going on.
I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and more. I maintain a busy schedule with very little down time. I often forget to stop and smell the roses. I have to constantly work on speaking to people in the correct tone of voice when something hurtful or mean is said to me. I don't always make the right choices, and I have very different views of church and religion as a whole. There was a time in my younger days when I cursed like a sailor and would actually fight anyone who crossed my path. *I'm inserting my own personal praise break here. Only God could have delivered me... trust me!* These days I often weep and plead with God for the lives of those that don't know Him. It hurts me to think that some will needlessly die and go to Hell. God and I have pretty in depth dialogue about the state of the world right now and He always comforts me before the end of the conversation because it simply is not a pleasant one. I make mistakes, He forgives them. I have no desire for a title and/or platform. In fact I rather like being unknown. My heart longs to see women whole and living in the constant promises and provision of God. I love people even though they've hurt me. I take no credit for that last statement, only God has healed those wounds and taught me to love from His perspective instead of with this corrupt natural heart. I love my husband and children more than words can say, and my heart beams with gladness just thinking of them. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan right now and Jesus helps me walk this year out daily. Deployment sucks and while I am proud of my husband for his sacrifice and service, I will be more than happy when this is over. Even through a deployment though, we are truly a blessed family and I take none of God's blessings for granted.
So this is my post; bare, naked, and true. I hide behind nothing today for in hiding there is an element of shame. My ultimate desire is to live naked and unashamed not only before God but also before man. This life gets tough, but I've been in this walk long enough to know that there will always be a rainbow after every storm. I live looking past the storm and into the rainbow. Sometimes I take baby steps and sometimes I run, but all that matters is that I make it to the other side with as little trip ups as humanly possible.
I believe everyone that reads my blog has some experience walking with God, but if you don't I beg of you to get to know Him. This life will not last forever and I promise you if you do not know Him you will regret it on the other side. The fact that I am here is a testament to His absolute faithfulness, love, and provision. My life is an extension of the bible, the 67th book as I like to call it. I have many stories of healing, restoration, provision, enlightenment, and LIFE to share. I can relate to God on a personal level because He has granted me access to Him just as He has done for you. Take advantage of that access. If you find it easy to hear God while in service, but difficult when you are alone, that is a clear indication that you need to get to know Him on a personal level. He speaks to the hearts of all of us, not just Pastors, Preachers, Prophets, Apostles, Evangelists, and Teachers. He loves no one person any more than He loves another. His desire is for us all to experience His love and glory in our own personal way. If you only hear the word of God through the lips of someone else I urge you to dig deeper. Allow Him to speak to your heart in your own quiet place....away from the noise! He's after YOUR heart. He wants you, all of you; flaws and all. Allow Him into your heart and those things that were once hard for you to give up will no longer matter. He changes your perspective and it becomes easy to live a life that pleases Him. If you don't know how to yield to Him and you've already asked Him how but didn't "hear" a response, email me and I will be more than happy to talk with you. Even with my imperfections I know that there is a lady out there somewhere that I can help. The same is true for you! BE YOU and you will be surprised how many lives you will impact! Live daily as you are called. Don't just quote from the book, be the book! Be His representative in the Earth one life changing moment at a time!
